These days—whether in Christian groups or not—we often see women sharing about marital struggles: frustrations at home, difficult dynamics, even the presence of another woman. And the advice that nearly always appears is: “Pray for him.”
Prayer is powerful. But how should we pray? What do we bring before God?
Where We Usually Start
Most of the time, our prayers focus on our husbands: “Lord, change him. Open his eyes. Make him a better husband.” Sometimes we even ask God to “avenge” us.
We assume the problem is “in him,” and once he changes, everything will be fine. But what about us?
On our wedding day we received The Power of a Praying Wife (thank you, Suzanne!). When I finally read it, I realized what I’d been missing.
Yes—Pray for Him
Intercede for your husband’s:
- Walk with Christ & spiritual life
- Health, work, and relationships
- Past wounds & present pressures
- Finances, emotions, choices & future
And above all—pray for the “wife of your husband”… you.
Begin with Your Own Heart
It’s hard to pray rightly when our heart is raw. Many of us start praying only in crisis, when we’re wounded, disappointed, and exhausted. That’s why effective intercession begins with personal surrender:
- Heal my heart—restore tenderness and hope.
- Let me see through Your eyes—give me compassion.
- Pour Your love into me—a love not dependent on performance.
- Teach me to pray rightly—beyond accusation or control.
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.”
What Changes When I Pray for Me First
- I see the situation differently.
- I pray differently about the issue.
- I notice efforts and small changes more easily.
- I experience deeper peace.
- I’m more able to communicate with grace and clarity.
Something always shifts when I first pray for the “wife” of my husband.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
A Simple Prayer Pattern
- Start with surrender: “Lord, search me; heal me.”
- Intercede for him: blessing, protection, growth, wisdom.
- Pray for “us”: unity, humility, healthy communication, a softened atmosphere at home.
- Give thanks: celebrate even the smallest steps.
Note: This applies equally to husbands praying for wives, and to those engaged or waiting—building the habit now will bless your future marriage.
Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible (versions as noted). Book reference: The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O’Martian.
